Let me tell you a story about my angels.
Every time I went through something in life, someone was always there with me. I’ll dub them Angels. I get them every now and then, every season and time, I just always get them. My helpers. Over time I’ve tried to keep them in my life permanently, I feel guilty when those relationships end, but they’re always going to be my angels. I’ve gotten demons disguised as angels, for sure. Those who come, show you they’re there for good, but can’t wait to tell everyone else how they were there for you and how weak you were. I have seen those. They Lord it over you, never let you forget it. I’ve definitely met the Level 2 demons. They come to screw you up, never show their true colours, but they mess you up slow and steady. Madly and badly. But I’ve had, or seen and paid attention more to those who were there for my good.
Imagine some of the worst periods in life, those kinds of periods that shape you, that can make you bitter and brittle. That break many people beyond repair. I’ve wondered why I was different. Why through it all, I always somehow hang on to life, even if it’s by a thread. I know whatever strength I displayed wasn’t just internal. Why, how was I saved?
At first I thought it was my mother. Thinking of her never lets me give up or give in. For her sake I keep fighting. Then I thought it wasn’t just that. It was these angels. They show me random acts of kindness, over a long period of time. They’re just there, beside me. They’re not trying to be my best friend. Or lover. They’re not trying to spark and ride a chemistry wave with me. Chemistry burns out. They’re just very aware of my feelings and my pain. It’s like they can sense it so they bring fresh air. And lend me a hand. It could be a free ride to and fro work everyday. It could be some words of advice that I listen to more than any other persons’. It could be steady free food when I’m hungry. It could be free laptop and WiFi access when I lost my phone and can’t get another one soon enough. It could be money. While I fought my silent battles, through it all they stood by me.
Maybe it’s all still my mother. That woman was so kind to people even in the middle of pain. I always wondered how she found the will to be kind in this life, it’s consistent for her. I believe I’m reaping her labour of love in other people’s lives. She was my angel here on earth and she unleashed her other army of angels on me.
It could be my destiny. You can’t give what you don’t have, and if I don’t get kindness how can I find it in me to be kind? I learnt kindness can exist side by side in the middle of a world that is constantly trying to tear you down. It could be a new perspective. Maybe now I see the many people who have loved me, instead of the many people who have hurt me. Because boy oh boy! I lived a huge chunk of my life believing the world didn’t love me, chewing me and regurgitating me, chewing again like a mad cow. But in all of it there was always a silver lining in form of my angels. And I don’t take that for granted. I won’t also take the fact that I see different now, for granted. I may not ever get the chance to say thank you to these people face to face. Heck they may not even have known what they did or the impact it had, but I’m grateful.
Being kind as opposed to being bitter is a gift, and I’m not even mad at people who spread hate and anger. Maybe I once have done this too. Maybe I still do. They’re a product of their environment, people who never got touched by love but are too far gone to see it as it is. I hope one day I spread love to the world like my mother did, like my angels do, so that my children get this kindness even when I’m not there to watch over them, so that they spread kindness. It’s a hamster wheel of kindness.
Because that’s how we heal the world. That random act we don’t think twice about, but will live after us forever. Be kind to someone today, not only because we don’t know what people are going through, that’s a cliché motivation, usually superseded by “How about what I’M going through? Who’s being kind to ME”. Be kind because the world is already hard, to you, to me, to many many people. Be kind because it will spread back to you. Or your kids. Be the kindness you want to see in the world. Be kind because the world does not need one more seed of carelessness and thoughtless meanness. Whatever your motivation for kindness is, find it. But please, this new week, be kind.