THE POSTER CHILD FOR PAIN

Jacob hit her. Again. And again as she tried to get out of the car. It stung – that hot slap. They were coming back from his friend’s house in Bodija. On the way he had thrown her out of the car, knowing she did not have enough cash to get to her house and she did not have a debit card. He then went off for about 5 minutes, turned back and then came to pick her up again with tears in her eyes.

He called her a retard, an idiot, and told her he never wanted to see her again. He was done with her – good riddance to bad rubbish, he said. And as Mara walked down the dirt road that led to her constantly flooded apartment, she couldn’t stop the tears from running down her face. She was relieved but hurt at the same time. It was over now. She would not have anything to do with that monster again. She was naïve, innocent and fresh into relationships but she decided, that was it. Two bad experiences were more than enough!! Why was she always attracted to people that hurt her?!

So she faced her religion. God, they said, could take away the scars. God they said, he would fix it all. He would help her forgive and forget. She desperately needed to. She went to church every day. From choir practice to ushers meetings, to volunteer programs. She went for vigils, empty and steady hurting, she didn’t have any life outside the church. She couldn’t. Life was too confusing, religion was safe.

Her 28” waist size with her D-cup and rounded butt didn’t help… Her G.P.A was at a steady 4.3, maybe she could still make a first class, 3 more sessions to go! She always turned down dates even though she was every man’s dream. She was sought from left and outside school, maybe not for love, but hey, that attention! But she wanted a relationship with God instead. But He rewards the righteous and upstanding doesn’t He?

But He didn’t fix everything. He didn’t even warn her not to go visit him that day. The Holy Spirit was silent,

This new guy, Wale. He accused her of being obsessed with God. How would she have a relationship with people if she did not make time for them? He said he wanted to spend time with her, he really valued her as a woman, and he cared. She opened up. She usually did not go to a guy’s house, her mum always told her it was bad. He said his apartment was big and she could have the guest room. He said he stayed with “family”. They talked for a bit, watched TV and laughed a lot, and she retired into the guest room, as promised.

But he came in. She could not lock the door.

Without saying one word to her, he laid on top of her, his 6’3″ on her tiny frame, she couldn’t shove. She was powerless, he probably goes to the gym every day and she hadn’t even eaten dinner that night. It was not a war, it was a conquering. He parted her knickers, the “short palazzo” seemed such a bad choice right now, and he tried to have his way with her. She cried, she begged, she screamed enough to alert his cousin in the living room. But it wasn’t the first time he heard such screams in that house. And so like the other times, he continued with his Playstation. This doesn’t make him any less of a good guy, it’s not his fault his family member is a monster or girls are gullible! And in 60 traumatic seconds, it was over. He got off her. Left, also without a word. He didn’t as much grunt throughout the whole thing. Where was God..?

Morning came, he took her home. He casually told her over the phone to get pills, he wouldn’t be responsible for any lame pregnancy. She looked at the scars on her hand from the last time she cut herself because of another guy… She could have overdosed on the pills, but she did not. Instead, she went back to her true love, her abuser, and they loved each other for a very long time, with lots of wraps of weed in between. Till she found herself in the ER.

Jacob was the only one who accepted the broken creature she was. Jacob at least loved her and made effort to make her a better person. He was not even mean, he was really all soft inside, and it was not his fault she was useless and stupid and could not cook good food or clean till it sparkled or do anything at all really! It was not his fault she trips and runs into his fists a lot, and doors and walls, or she was bad with cooking utensils, especially that knife. And after he finally left her emptied out and withered to marry a white girl and get a green passport, she now wanders the earth, in search of purpose and love. His Facebook request still pending, reminding her constantly of a life she totally wants to forget but does not want to make it seem she hasn’t forgiven.

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