10th February 2016

I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be this. I want so much more and I’m trying so hard but it’s just not working out.

And there’s this voice in my head that says I CAN’T I CAN’T I CAN’T I CAN’T I CAN’T I CAN’T I CAN’T I CAN’T I CAN’T I CAN’T I CAN’T I CAN’T I CAN’T I CAN’T I CAN’T I CAN’T I CAN’T I CAN’T I CAN’T I CAN’T I CAN’T I CAN’T I CAN’T I CAN’T I CAN’T.

I can’t stay on this job that sucks so much and makes me depressed and angry. But I have to because I need a job because I have needs and I cannot beg to eat and I have to pay my way through school and well, put a roof over my head.

I don’t want to hustle, I don’t even want to go to school anymore! But I have a call to protect.. I have women and children out there waiting for me to realise my full potential.

So the same weak voice that keeps me going says I HAVE TO, I HAVE TO. And It sucks. And here I am, an anonymous writer on the internet that allows me to spew my thoughts to no one in particular, which is just great. And comforting at the same time. I mean, who cares who I am. Just a hyphen sign on the surface of the earth.

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